Thursday, June 3, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Senior Housing Solutions: Parents As Room Mates
Some of our most critical decisions are made regarding the housing of our parents. It is a wrenching decision to have mom or dad move in with us because they can’t be alone. For elderly that are capable but fragile it is an especially bitter pill to take. Losing independence is frightening and it is easy to become resentful. Not to mention the overall chaos the upheaval causes the entire family. Children forced to give up their rooms. Parent child dynamics aroused from years ago. And then there is the in-law demon that invariably raises it ugly head no matter how much sensitivity is used.
When you look at the usual alternatives, it is often too expensive. One seldom considered, yet very positive solution is for the parent to either take in or become a roommate. There are a lot of wonderful seniors who are looking for a place to call home but don’t particularly relish moving in with their adult children and their grandchildren. On the other hand there are many independent and healthy seniors who probably should not be living alone, but the prospect of giving up their home is devastating.
The roommate concept has been used by college students, single parents, and traveling professional for years. I have had a roommate for the past 12 years and the income ($600 $700 per month) is not the only benefit. I live alone and work long hours and I travel. With a roommate there is usually someone here to keep an eye on things. My roommates are well screened with full credit checks, and a binding lease, They become a part of the family allowing my children and grandchildren to meet interesting new people and we have lively discussions about so many things. I have visited my ex-roommates in Cleveland, New York, Moscow and Lithuania. Some of my roommates have been actresses and teachers, students and highly talented craftsmen.
You can choose a place as near or far from your home as you wish for a parent and also choose amenities that work for the parent. A close by senior center is ideal, where they can walk for activities and lunch. Perhaps shopping or libraries are considerations. Once you have determined the important aspects of daily life you can hone in on the area that you want to investigate for housing.
Where do you find this type of housing? Craigslist is the best I have found. The site is everywhere and it is anonymous until you want to contact the person by phone or email. Another is roommate.com. Often word of mouth is a good source. I have gotten many roommates from people who know someone looking for a room. There are many people renting out rooms in lovely homes. The main concern is for compatibility on both sides.
The great thing about a roommate relationship is you can choose the situation that best fits your needs or situation. An older person with a much younger person is not ideal, nor is an active family apt to fit a quiet senior. Interestingly in roommate situations there is no recipe. Having a cup of tea as an interview process tells a lot about the level of comfort between the two.
The best situation is one other occupant, full use of the house and indoor laundry. If a parent is moving out of their home to be close to family and giving up a degree of autonomy, they do not want to be delegated to a room and a bath. By the way a shared bath is not the worst thing to consider. Many seniors have lived at some point with one bath and if they were living with family it would be the equivalent of one bath if divided by a family of 4 or 5 even if there were 2 baths.
Often the argument to being a roommate is well founded: privacy issues, security, compatibility and adjusting to a new situation…and just how is that different if you are uprooted and placed in the midst of a situation that disrupts a whole family? Some families embrace the sandwich generation concept and that is to be cherished. But
often it is not so slam dunk. It is a true burden. With honest communication and loving agreement an alternative can be found that not only benefits but enriches everyone.
When you look at the usual alternatives, it is often too expensive. One seldom considered, yet very positive solution is for the parent to either take in or become a roommate. There are a lot of wonderful seniors who are looking for a place to call home but don’t particularly relish moving in with their adult children and their grandchildren. On the other hand there are many independent and healthy seniors who probably should not be living alone, but the prospect of giving up their home is devastating.
The roommate concept has been used by college students, single parents, and traveling professional for years. I have had a roommate for the past 12 years and the income ($600 $700 per month) is not the only benefit. I live alone and work long hours and I travel. With a roommate there is usually someone here to keep an eye on things. My roommates are well screened with full credit checks, and a binding lease, They become a part of the family allowing my children and grandchildren to meet interesting new people and we have lively discussions about so many things. I have visited my ex-roommates in Cleveland, New York, Moscow and Lithuania. Some of my roommates have been actresses and teachers, students and highly talented craftsmen.
You can choose a place as near or far from your home as you wish for a parent and also choose amenities that work for the parent. A close by senior center is ideal, where they can walk for activities and lunch. Perhaps shopping or libraries are considerations. Once you have determined the important aspects of daily life you can hone in on the area that you want to investigate for housing.
Where do you find this type of housing? Craigslist is the best I have found. The site is everywhere and it is anonymous until you want to contact the person by phone or email. Another is roommate.com. Often word of mouth is a good source. I have gotten many roommates from people who know someone looking for a room. There are many people renting out rooms in lovely homes. The main concern is for compatibility on both sides.
The great thing about a roommate relationship is you can choose the situation that best fits your needs or situation. An older person with a much younger person is not ideal, nor is an active family apt to fit a quiet senior. Interestingly in roommate situations there is no recipe. Having a cup of tea as an interview process tells a lot about the level of comfort between the two.
The best situation is one other occupant, full use of the house and indoor laundry. If a parent is moving out of their home to be close to family and giving up a degree of autonomy, they do not want to be delegated to a room and a bath. By the way a shared bath is not the worst thing to consider. Many seniors have lived at some point with one bath and if they were living with family it would be the equivalent of one bath if divided by a family of 4 or 5 even if there were 2 baths.
Often the argument to being a roommate is well founded: privacy issues, security, compatibility and adjusting to a new situation…and just how is that different if you are uprooted and placed in the midst of a situation that disrupts a whole family? Some families embrace the sandwich generation concept and that is to be cherished. But
often it is not so slam dunk. It is a true burden. With honest communication and loving agreement an alternative can be found that not only benefits but enriches everyone.
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